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Het jy God lief? Dink bietjie na oor hierdie eenvoudige, amper retoriese vraag.
Ons kan hierdie vraag maar vra, want Christus het dit vir Petrus gevra ná sy verraad.
En dit het alles te make met die volgende vraag: Haat jy jou vyande?
Want 1 Joh 4:20 sê: As iemand sê: Ek het God lief—en sy broeder haat, is hy ‘n leuenaar; want wie sy broeder wat hy gesien het, nie liefhet nie, hoe kan hy God liefhê wat hy nie gesien het nie?
Dink dan hieraan: hoe ver is jou vyand? Of liewers, wie is jou vyand? Is dit nie dikwels die een wat jou bed deel, of jou huis, of jou familielid of naaste vriend nie? Vroeër in sy gesprek met die skare praat Christus van die mense wat ons haat; van mense wat ons vervloek; van mense wat ons beledig; van mense wat ons op die wang slaan. Dis wat vyande aan ons doen. Maar dis dikwels ook wat ons geliefdes aan ons doen.
Hoe kan ek liefde dan bewys aan my vyand, aan die een wat my leed wil aandoen, of inderdaad aandoen? Is dit nie totaal onprakties en onsinnig nie? Op die oog af is dit. Die wêreld leer ons dat die een wat die hardste skree, die hardste baklei, die vuilste tegnieke toepas, is die een wat wen.
Maar die sielkunde leer dat ons haat meesal vrees onderliggend daaraan het. Die een wat haat is bang vir seerkry en vir straf en slaan daarom eerste. Die laaste ding wat die een wat haat verwag, is liefde. Dis ook die enigste ding wat die hater uit sy of haar kerker van haat kan verlos.
Die teenkant van die munt is dat my vyand selfs nader as my naaste is. My vyand is myself. Ook ek slaan eerste omdat ek bang is vir seerkry en straf. Liefde is ook die laaste ding wat ek verwag.
Laat ek net ‘n treetjie kant toe gee en sê dat die feit dat ons ons vyand moet liefhê, nie beteken dat ons moet liefhê wat hy doen nie. Ek het my kinders gedissiplineer juis om hulle ‘n idee te gee dat daar sekere dinge is wat hulle doen wat ek – en ander mense – haat. Maar ek het die reël probeer volg – dikwels onsuksesvol! – dat ek hulle twee keer meer liefde as straf moes gee, sodat hulle nooit die slegte wat hulle doen, met sleg wees moet verwar nie.
Want – en hier verskil die Ortodoksie van die Kerke van die Weste – ons glo dat die mens basies goed is, maar verword is deur die sonde. Daar is in elke mens iemand wat goed geskape is deur God; oor wie God Hom verheug het in sy skepping. En elke mens is afgetakel en aaklig gemaak deur die bose en die sonde. Maar die mens self bly goed.
Ons moet daarom nooit die haatlike wat mense doen, met hulle as mense vereenselwig nie. Dit is presies wat ons doen wanneer ons vyande van mense maak – ons sien hulle eendimensioneel, as net sleg.
Hoekom moet ons ons vyande liefhê? Sodat julle kinders van die Allerhoogste kan wees, sê Christus. Want Christus het vir ons die voorbeeld kom stel van hoe om te lewe, en Hy het sy vyande liefgehad, tot die dood toe. En Hy het vir my en vir jou, sy vyande, ook lief, tot die dood toe.
Hoe moet ons ons vyande liefhê?
Ek dink ons moet begin by die besef dat ons geliefd is; dat ons, wat vyande van God is en wat liefde so desperaat nodig het, tot in ons murg geliefd is ten spyte van ons haatlike gedrag en dade. Want so lief het God sy vyande gehad, dat Hy sy enigebore Seun gestuur het, sodat sy vyande Hom kon doodmaak, en sodat elkeen wat sy liefde beantwoord met geloof, gered kan word.
Dan: volg Christus se woorde. Doen goed aan hulle wat jou haat. Soos Romeine 12 sê: “As jou vyand honger is, voed hom. As hy dors het, gee hom iets om te drink . . . oorwin die kwade deur die goeie.”
Ons word geroep nie om ideale na te streef nie maar liefde te leer beliggaam. Ons moet Christus se liefde, ore en oë en hande en voete gee. Ons liefde moet deurdag, maar prakties wees.
Belangrikste is miskien om vir ons vyande te bid. Die oomblik wat jy ‘n vyand in jou hart vind, bid vir daardie persoon, sonder om te veroordeel. Dis nie moontlik om te haat én te bid nie. En gebed verander my én my vyand.
Soek die goeie in jou vyand. Daar is nie net sleg in mense nie. Die Heilige Johannes van Kronstadt het gesê:
“As jou broer op enige manier teen jou sondig — byvoorbeeld as hy kwaad van jou praat, of jou woorde met ’n bose bedoeling verdraai en aan iemand anders oordra, of jou belaster — moenie kwaad word vir hom nie, maar probeer om in hom daardie goeie eienskappe te vind wat ongetwyfeld in elke mens bestaan, en dink met liefde daaraan, terwyl jy sy bose laster teen jou verag as onsuiwerheid, nie die moeite werd om aandag aan te gee nie, as ’n illusie van die duiwel. Die goudsoekers gee geen aandag aan die hoeveelheid sand en vuil in die goue stof nie, maar soek net die goue korrels; en al is hulle min, waardeer hulle hierdie klein hoeveelheid en was dit uit hope nuttelose sand. God handel op dieselfde wyse met ons, en reinig ons met groot en langdurige verdraagsaamheid.”
Dan: ontwikkel die vermoë om te vergewe. Want vergifnis kan die wêreld omvorm. Op 9 April 1968, die dag van Martin Luther King se begrafnis, is ‘n jong wit busbestuurder genaamd Martin Whitted deur 4 swart jeugdiges uit sy bus getrek, beroof en geskiet. Hy is op die toneel dood. Die spanning in swart en wit woonbuurte het opgelaai. Gerugte van geweld het die rondte begin doen. Toe het Dixie Whitted, sy vrou, op die televisie verskyn. Sy het stilweg vertel van haar liefde vir haar man en haar geloof in Christus. Sy het die mense gemaan om nie gewelddadig te word nie maar eerder vredemakers te word. Sy het gevra dat in plaas van blomme vir haar man se begrafnis, ‘n gedenkfonds opgerig word, nie vir haar man nie, maar vir die jongmense in die swart woonbuurt waar haar man aan sy einde gekom het.
Die gevolge van haar daad van medelye en vergifnis was geweldig. Siniese televisiemanne het gehuil. Mens het ingebel en gesê dat haar getuienis hulle lewens verander het. ‘n Swart prisonier het gebel en gesê dat haar woorde veroorsaak het dat hy nooit weer wit mense as ‘n groep sal kan haat nie.
Elke klein daad van vergifnis, hoe klein ook al, is ‘n groot daad.
Ek sluit af met die volgende aanhaling van die Hl. Silouan die Athoniet:
“Ek smeek jou, stel dit op die proef. Wanneer iemand jou beledig of oneer oor jou bring, of neem wat aan jou behoort, of die Kerk vervolg, bid tot die Here en sê: “O Here, ons is almal U skepsels. Ontferm U oor U dienaars en keer hulle harte tot bekering,” en jy sal die genade in jou siel bemerk. Dwing aanvanklik jou hart om vyande lief te hê, en die Here, wat jou goeie wil sien, sal jou in alles help, en die ervaring self sal jou die weg wys. Maar die mens wat met kwaadwilligheid oor sy vyande dink, het nie die liefde van God in hom nie en ken God nie.”
Aan Christus, wat ons liefde kom bewys het toe ons nog sy vyande was, kom toe die lof en die eer en die aanbidding, tesame met sy Beginlose Vader en die Lewendmakende Heilige Gees. Amen.
Engelse weergawe
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Do you love God? Think for a moment about this simple, almost rhetorical question.
We may well ask it, because Christ asked it of Peter after his betrayal.
And it has everything to do with the following question: Do you hate your enemies?
For 1 John 4:20 says: If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?
Then think of this: how far away is your enemy? Or rather, who is your enemy? Is it not often the one who shares your bed, or your house, or your family member or closest friend? Earlier in His address to the crowd, Christ spoke of those who hate us; of people who curse us; who insult us; who strike us on the cheek. That’s what enemies do to us. But it’s often also what our loved ones do to us.
How then can I show love to my enemy — to the one who wants to harm me, or indeed does harm me? Is that not totally impractical and senseless? On the surface, it is. The world teaches us that the one who shouts the loudest, fights the hardest, uses the dirtiest tactics, is the one who wins.
But psychology teaches that hatred almost always has fear underlying it. The one who hates is afraid of pain and punishment, and therefore strikes first. The last thing the one who hates expects is love. And it is also the only thing that can free the hater from his or her prison of hatred.
The flip side of the coin is that my enemy is even closer than my neighbour. My enemy is myself. I too strike first because I am afraid of pain and punishment. Love is also the last thing I expect.
Let me take one step aside and say that the fact that we must love our enemies does not mean that we must love what they do. I disciplined my children precisely to show them that there are certain things they do that I — and other people — hate. But I tried to follow the rule that I had to give them twice as much love as punishment, so that they would never confuse the bad things they do with being bad themselves.
For — and here Orthodoxy differs from the Western Churches — we believe that man is basically good, but has been corrupted by sin. In every person there is someone who was created good by God, over whom God rejoiced in his creation. And every person has been degraded and made ugly by evil and sin, but the person himself remains good.
We must therefore never identify the hateful things people do with them as persons. That is precisely what we do when we make enemies of people — we see them one-dimensionally, as only evil.
Why must we love our enemies? “So that you may be children of the Most High,” says Christ. For Christ came to set us the example of how to live, and He loved His enemies — unto death. And He loves you and me, His enemies, also unto death.
How must we love our enemies?
I think we must begin with the realization that we are loved; that we, who are enemies of God and who so desperately need love, are loved to the very marrow despite our hateful behaviour and deeds. For God so loved His enemies that He sent His only-begotten Son, so that His enemies could kill Him, and so that everyone who answers His love with faith might be saved.
Then: follow Christ’s words. Do good to those who hate you. As Romans 12 says: If your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink… overcome evil with good.
We are called not to pursue ideals but to learn to embody love. We must give Christ’s love ears and eyes and hands and feet. Our love must be thoughtful, but practical.
Perhaps most important of all is to pray for our enemies. The moment you find an enemy in your heart, pray for that person, without judging. It is not possible to hate and to pray at the same time. And prayer changes me, and my enemy.
Seek the good in your enemy. There is not only evil in people. Saint John of Kronstadt said:
“When your brother sins against you in any way — for instance, if he speaks ill of you, or transmits with an evil intention your words in a perverted form to another, or calumniates you — do not be angered against him, but seek to find in him those good qualities which undoubtedly exist in every man, and dwell lovingly on them, despising his evil calumnies concerning you as dross, not worth attention, as an illusion of the Devil. The gold-diggers do not pay any attention to the quantity of sand and dirt in the gold-dust, but only look for the grains of gold; and though they are few, they value this small quantity, and wash it out of heaps of useless sand. God acts in a like manner with us, cleansing us with great and long forbearance.”
Then: develop the ability to forgive. For forgiveness can transform the world. On 9 April 1968, the day of Martin Luther King’s funeral, a young white bus driver named Martin Whitted was dragged from his bus, robbed, and shot by four black youths. He died on the scene. The tension in black and white neighbourhoods was rising. Rumours of violence began to spread. Then Dixie Whitted, his wife, appeared on television. She quietly spoke of her love for her husband and her faith in Christ. She urged people not to resort to violence but to become peacemakers. She asked that, instead of sending flowers for her husband’s funeral, a memorial fund be established — not for her husband, but for the young people in the black neighbourhood where her husband had met his end.
The effects of her act of compassion and forgiveness were immense. Cynical television men wept. People phoned in to say that her witness had changed their lives. A black prisoner called to say that her words had made it impossible for him ever again to hate white people as a group.
Every small act of forgiveness, however small, is a great act.
I conclude with the following quotation from St. Silouan the Athonite:
“I beseech you, put this to the test. When a man affronts you or brings dishonor on your head, or takes what is yours, or persecutes the Church, pray to the Lord, saying: ‘O Lord, we are all Thy creatures. Have pity on Thy servants, and turn their hearts to repentance,’ and you will be aware of grace in your soul. To begin with constrain your heart to love enemies, and the Lord, seeing your good will, will help you in all things, and experience itself will show you the way. But the man who thinks with malice of his enemies has not God’s love within him, and does not know God.”
To Christ, who showed us His love when we were still His enemies, belong the praise and the glory and the worship, together with His Beginningless Father and the Life-giving Holy Spirit. Amen.